Undiscovered Country Shorts
by Cardinal001
Summary: An occasional series of one-shots looking at the life and times of Harry Potter and co.
1. Crisis

**Disclaimer: All names belong to JK Rowling.**

**Crisis**

Harry Potter was panicking.

This was not something that often happened to him, especially since the end of the Wizarding War, but now it was definitely panic that he was feeling. Voldemort, Death Eaters, Dementors, Dragons, all of them he could cope with and would much rather face than this.

How had this happened? The day had started just like every other day, with Ginny leaving the house in the morning to go shopping. There had been no indication that something was about to happen.

Harry searched frantically through the pile of items he had pulled out of the cupboard. The thing he was looking for had been charmed against Summoning Spells to prevent it being stolen by magic. Harry was now regretting that decision. It had to be here somewhere!

There was an insistent knocking at the door to their house and it was getting louder. Harry grew more and more frantic. Where was it? Where in Merlin's name was it? Precious moments were ticking by as he became even more desperate. Wait... There it was!

Harry picked it up and ran as fast as he could towards the door, the thing he was looking for held out in front of him as if to ward off what he knew would come through the door.

Ten feet... Five feet... One foot... Nearly there!

"Reducto!" came a cry from outside.

The door exploded into a cloud of sawdust, showering Harry from head to toe. As he stood there coughing he made out the person outside the door frame. The long flaming red hair on top and the brown eyes revealed it to be his wife Ginny.

Harry hadn't moved from where he had stopped, the spare key held out in his hand. Inwardly he groaned.

This was the third time in two months. Yet another door company would blacklist them.

Ginny had a sheepish smile on her face. "I forgot my key again."

* * *

**A/N So yeah. This is the first of an occasional series of (very) short one-shots of varying quality which I will update as and when some mad/strange/silly idea strikes me.**


	2. Addiction

**Addiction**

It had started small. One of the clerks in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures had been visiting one of his muggle friends who had introduced him to it. He brought it back to work with him and like a virus it spread throughout the entire Ministry. Suddenly it seemed that everyone was hooked. There was nothing overt but every so often one could hear the sounds of people getting their fix. Wizards began to sneak out during their lunch breaks, desperate to feed their all-consuming habit, desperate for "just one more".

No one was immune. Not even Harry Potter himself was able to resist. It had been Ron who had introduced him. Ron was trying to get Hermione addicted too but she was putting up a fight. Harry knew it was only a matter of time before she too succumbed to this monster.

Harry opened the bottom drawer of his desk in his office in the Auror's department. The little box was there. It looked so innocent but Harry knew of the dangerous contents that lay within. Those little square things. Who knew they could be so powerful? With a tremendous amount of willpower Harry managed to close the drawer and put his head in his hands. His biggest fear was Ginny finding out. Not because of what she might say but because she might become a victim of this thing herself. If that happened Harry didn't know how he would cope.

The door to his office burst open and Ron came in, bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept. He came up to Harry's desk and threw something silvery down onto it. It was a packet and Harry knew exactly what it contained. It lay there taunting him and he could feel his resolve weakening.

"Go on then, Harry!" Ron said eagerly, "Let's see what's inside!"

Harry gave in as he knew he would do. He ripped open the packet and tipped the contents onto his desk. Opening his drawer he took out the box and tipped that out onto his desk as well.

Ron's eyes bulged. "Wow Harry! Looks like you have some quality stuff there!" He leaned in closer. "Got time for a quickie?"

Harry nodded and, as Ron sat down, arranged the cards on his desk into their correct positions, all the time ruing the day that clerk had ever heard of _Magic: the Gathering_.

* * *

**A/N What can I say? It's addicting!**


	3. Competition

**Competition**

"Come on Sirius!"

"No!"

"It'll be fun! You'll love it!"

Sirius turned to Lily. "Help me out here Evans!"

Lily smiled and shook her head. "Sorry Sirius, I agree with James. This is too good an opportunity to miss."

Sirius grumbled out loud. "Honestly, ever since you two got together you've been as bad as each other! What have you done to that dear sweet sensible girl James?"

James laughed. "Deep down she's always been like that. It didn't take much to bring it out of her."

Lily smiled at him as Sirius pretended to retch.

"Anyway," said Lily, "It's too late. We've entered the competition. You're committed now."

Sirius gave up. "Okay I'll do it. I won't forget this though Evans. One day when you're not expecting it I'll..."

James and Lily both laughed.

…

"And the prize for Best in Show goes to... Mr Snuffles!"

The judge pinned the rosette onto the stand where Sirius, in his dog guise, was sitting. He had been dressed in a pink bonnet and bib and his hair had been permed. Lily had taken a lot of pleasure in pampering him. He could still fell the perfume choking up his nose.

James and Lily accepted the trophy handed to them by the judge as the audience, and the other contestants, applauded. Sirius kept silent, dreaming up ways he could get even with the two. Preferably involving some of Hagrid's Blast Ended Skrewts.

* * *

**A/N Once I had the image of Sirius all dolled up for Crufts or whatever dog show you like, I couldn't quite shake it.**


	4. Appearance

**Appearance**

Ron Weasley was sitting at the table in the Burrow's kitchen idly reading the latest copy of the _Daily Prophet_. No one else was around and he was enjoying the peace and quiet.

He heard the tell-tale _crack_ of someone Apparating outside and smiled expectantly. Sure enough the door opened.

"Ronald! I'm back!" called the voice of his wife, Hermione.

Ron looked up and could not believe his eyes.

"What is it?" asked Hermione.

"Your hair... it... it..."

"What's the matter Ron? Don't you like it?" Hermione's hair was now much shorter.

Ron gaped. "No! No of course it's not that! I just..."

"You just what?" Ginny asked, appearing as if from nowhere. Harry was with her. And their hair was much shorter too.

"Does little Ronniekins not like our new haircuts?" asked Fred, with George by his side.

"Maybe he'd like one too?" now Sirius was there with Remus and Tonks, again with the same short hair.

"Just sit down Ron. It'll be alright." Molly and Arthur joined them, their hair also cut short.

"What? What is this?" Ron asked, backing up as they advanced on him, scissors in their hands.

"No! No, get back!" Many hands held him down as they all started to snip... snip... snip...

"NO!"

Ron sat bolt upright in bed, frantically feeling his hair. It was still the same length thank Merlin. He looked down at his wife sleeping next to him. Hermione's hair was the same length it normally was too. He lovingly ran his fingers through it, waking her as he did so.

"Ronald? What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Just a bad dream," he smiled. "Go back to sleep."

He lay back down and closed his eyes. _Just a dream_.

_Snip..._

_

* * *

_**A/N It may be just me but I'm not a big fan of Emma Watson's new haircut. Sorry.**_  
_


	5. Breakdown

**Breakdown**

"We're lost aren't we?"

"We're not lost."

A small winding road in the middle of empty moorland. Quite literally the middle of nowhere.

"Well where are we then?"

"Just not where we want to be."

A car on the small road. The car contained three occupants – a man and a woman in the front, a small baby in the back seat.

"It was your idea to visit your parents, Ginny!"

"Well it was your idea to go there by non-magical means so you could show Dad this run down old car, Harry!"

The man and woman – Harry and Ginny Potter – were arguing. The baby in the back – their son James – was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"So why won't the car move?" Ginny asked over the noise.

"I told you, it's out of petrol!" Harry responded.

"Well why didn't you check?"

"I forgot. I haven't done this for a long time!"

Ginny folded her arms and glared at Harry. "Just you get this car moving again! And I don't care how you do it."

James was still screaming.

Harry opened the door and got out of the car. He walked around to the petrol cap and removed it. He looked up and down the road but there was no one else to be seen.

Harry sighed and drew his wand. Pointing the tip of the wand into the petrol tank he cried out in a loud voice:

"_Expecto Petroleum_!"

* * *

**A/N Ladies and gentelemen, I present to you possibly the most groan-worthy Harry Potter related pun ever to be committed to print.**


	6. Blocks

**Blocks**

Something, Harry decided, was not right.

He looked down at his left hand. Instead of the traditional four fingers and a thumb to which he had become accustomed there was a large yellow pincer-type appendage on the end of his arm. His other hand also had the same pincer and his wand now appeared to be as long as his arm and also as thick.

His legs had become square and his knees seemed to have disappeared. With a bit of difficulty he managed to move them.

He was standing in front of the main entrance to Hogwarts, only Hogwarts looked different. It looked like it was made up of building blocks. Even though it was only about twenty feet away it looked blurred. As Harry moved towards it it suddenly snapped into focus.

In front of him was a plant, with rigid leaves and brightly coloured petals. Harry experimentally pointed his wand at it. The plant exploded into a shower of coloured blocks and round items, each five times larger than a Galleon. Some of them were bronze, some silver and one was blue. Harry touched them and they shot up into the sky.

The main door in front of him opened and out came Ron. Ron's arms and legs looked just like Harry's and, he was surprised to note, they were now exactly the same size. In addition, Ron's head was perfectly cylindrical with a reddish piece of what looked like hair on top.

Harry tried to speak to him but no sound would come out. Instead he resorted to waving one of his pincers and making a grunting noise that sounded like "Mm-mmm". Ron waved back to him, his mouth turning into a smile.

Inside Hogwarts there was a line of ghostly round things leading to a door. Above the door was a large blue arrow floating in mid air. As Harry ran past a book case it seemed to glow with a purple aura. He came to a step and found he couldn't lift his foot over it. Instead he managed to jump onto it and carried on to the door. Outside the door stood Draco Malfoy with his two cronies Crabbe and Goyle. Instead of hurling insults they just cried out a noise that sounded like "Booooooo" as Harry and Ron got near.

The door led to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, but again it was different. More of the bronze and silver coloured things floated in the air and there were more chests and jars in the room than Harry remembered. He suddenly felt the compulsion to run and jump around destroying everything and collect all the round things...

Harry woke up in his bed, with the sunlight streaming in through the window. He looked down at his hand. It was normal, as were his legs.

"Morning sleepyhead,"

Harry looked up and saw his wife Ginny stood over him, her belly swollen.

"I just had the weirdest dream," he said.

* * *

**A/N In my ever so humble opinion, LEGO Harry Potter Years 1-4 was the best game of 2010. Can't wait for the sequel.**


	7. Dilemma

**Dilemma**

Dilemmas were tricky things.

There never seemed to be a right answer with a dilemma, just a series of answers which had their own individual advantages and disadvantages.

If one were to ask Hermione about dilemmas, she would no doubt be able to explain at length about such problems as the Prisoner's Dilemma, Morton's Fork or even Hobson's Choice, even though that was not strictly speaking a dilemma.

There was never any indication of which was the better option from the choices available. One just had to choose and hope that the consequences would turn out for the best.

This was the situation with which Ron Weasley was faced. A dilemma in it's simplest form. Two options. Both equally likely to be the correct choice, both equally likely to be wrong. On the surface there was no way to tell which was which, but Ron knew that to choose incorrectly was potentially disastrous.

The correct choice on the other hand would lead, for the foreseeable future at the very least, to peace and happiness.

But which option to choose?

"Ronald!"

Ron was shaken out of his train of thought and looked up at his wife. Hermione had an all-too-familiar look of impatience on her face. Ron forced a weak smile as she continued to speak.

"For the third time, which do you prefer? The pink dress or the light blue one?" Hermione held up the dresses in question, one in each hand.

Ron's smile faded.

Dilemmas were tricky things.

* * *

**A/N You can look up the problems I mentioned on Wikipedia. It's fairly interesting.**

**Oh and for those have been asking me about Magic the Gathering (mentioned in Addiction) here's the Wikipedia entry - .org/wiki/Magic:_The_Gathering**


	8. Performance

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling.**

******Performance**

"I still don't see why we had to come here!" Ron was whining again.

Hermione rolled her eyes at her husband. "I told you. My parents took me to see _Les Miserables_ when I was ten. It's one of the best musicals of all time!" She turned to look at Harry and Ginny, who were sitting next to her. The Potters, recently returned from their honeymoon in Egypt, were trying to make themselves comfortable in the theatre seats. Ginny was holding a large cup of Coca Cola and munching on a Mars Bar. She offered Harry a sip however he shook his head smiling.

"It can't be all that great!" Ron was saying. Hermione turned back to look at him as he continued, "I mean, if it's just singing and no actual speaking, how much story can they put in? Three hours must get a bit boring!" Now Ron looked over at Harry, "Harry, you'll back me up won't you?"

Harry didn't know what to say. He partially agreed with Ron but he didn't want to offend Hermione. Having her mad at one person was already quite enough. "Um..." he stammered.

"Harry's a bit more open minded, aren't you dear?" Ginny said with a smile. Harry nodded gratefully and she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Oi! None of that please! I know you're married but she's still my baby sister!" Ron said. Ginny poked her tongue out at him.

"Ronald!" Hermione didn't sound pleased, "It took me ages to get tickets to come here tonight! The least you can do is be respectful!"

"But I still don't see..." Ron began but Hermione shushed him as the lights began to dim and the orchestra began to play.

…

**Three hours later...**

"So what did you think?" Hermione asked Ginny as they stood outside the theatre.

Ginny wiped a tear from her eye. "It was beautiful Hermione. Thanks for bringing us here."

Hermione smiled, although she too was dabbing at her eyes. "Do you think the boys liked it?"

They both turned to look at Harry and Ron, who were stood leaning against each other, loudly bawling their eyes out and causing people walking past to give them funny looks.

"I think so," Ginny smiled. "Let's get the brave Aurors home. And we have to make sure they never live this down."

Hermione smiled and together they left to return to the Burrow, Harry and Ron still crying loudly all the way.

* * *

**A/N This came from a line in Deathly Hallows Part 1 where Hermione mentioned being taken to a theatre on Shaftesbury Avenue when she was a child, and Les Miserables at Queen's Theatre is the longest running show there so I thought why not?**

**If you haven't seen Les Miserables you really should. It really is one of the best, if not the best musical in history.**


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